I wish my penis had an off switch
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
