Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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