i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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