It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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