We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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