im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My bed smells like the plague
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
