Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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