you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
