my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
