The maid of honor just puked.
it hurts more in the daytime
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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