You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
