I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
