Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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