there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You can't special order awesome
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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