He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
