Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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