I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
