Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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