she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
