Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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