My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
