If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
