Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
