The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's blow job season.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
