Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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