Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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