Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
