im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
