I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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