sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
