fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
