it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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