The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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