I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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