Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
