basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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