I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
