I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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