Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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