If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
