I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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