Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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