No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
