this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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