I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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