what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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