I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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