oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
accomplished twins. life is a go
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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