Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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