She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
