Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
