your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
