I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
