too bad you live with your parents still
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
