My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize