I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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