dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
