Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
